


Holiday Interviews (and a scoop on Batman that no one saw coming)

by jewelcrow



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Jewish Batfam, The Whole Damn SuperBatFam, batfamily, but I got time for holiday fluff in the DCU, get rekt, ya I got no time for a 1000000000 million k pjo fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewelcrow/pseuds/jewelcrow
Summary: So I came across a post on tumblr a while back that said Batman is technically Jewish and I made a spinoff post (@thecrowmother) and I haven't heard much about the glorious idea since. So since no one else will write it, guess it's gotta be me. See you on the other side.





	1. The Daily Planet Knows All (or, it will upon asking the right questions)

**Author's Note:**

> can you believe I spent ten minutes trying to pronounce Chanukah correctly because I wanted to not feel like a dumbass for barely knowing how to spell it, let alone say it?  
> Also I'm not Jewish so if I fuck up something please tell me! Education is good for the soul!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta, sorry :P   
> Let me know if there's any mistakes I can correct.  
> I'm not Jewish, so feel free to correct me if I'm doing something wrong!

If Clark had known the Daily Planet was so desperate for an interview, he would have wrote it himself.

It was all Diana's fault too. She had to open her big mouth in front of the press after a battle when Clark asked about setting up the patrol schedule for the next few busy months, and said the cursed words.

"I already worked out a schedule with Flash when I was at the Watchtower; You and the Family have the Eve and Day, while me, Barda, and Lantern have the Festival. I know it's not  _yom tov_ but I figured you guys could use the break, especially since most of the League takes off the other holidays."

Clark hadn't even realized that something was wrong in that statement until the press circled in like vultures.

"Wonder Woman are you saying that there will be no hero protection during Christmas and Thanksgiving?" "Superman! Is it true that you are going to have to work as a defender over Christmas?" "Wonder Woman do you celebrate Christmas instead of traditional Themysciran Holidays?" "Superman, are there any Kryptonian rites that prevent you from celebrating Christmas?"

Clark glanced at Diana, who merely shrugged.

"We won't be taking any questions at present about the matter," Diana told the press. "My plans aren't even finalized yet, so it wouldn't do any good to share them."

Diana flew off, likely back home to Lois. After all, Wonder Woman technically did have the day off. Clark almost regretted introducing them like he did, but they were good enough for each other to ensure that he didn't totally regret the mischief they caused together.

He sighed, and made a vague statement echoing Diana before flying away himself. He should have asked Bruce instead of Diana- at least Bruce wouldn't set the press on his tail. At least, not accidentally. He never did it accidentally.


	2. Knock it Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah :/ I hate namin gchapters already...

Clark sighed when he got home and the car was gone. Bruce must have some important crime to fight if he left without telling Clark in advance.

He announced he was home in case Damian was around- he'd come and tell him what Bruce was up to.

"I'm aware," Bruce said from the stairs. 

Clark fought back an eye roll. "Really, if you wanted me to think you were on patrol you need to move more than one car and lock the door."

Bruce smirked, knowing Clark was lying through his teeth. "You know I don't unnecessarily patrol this close to the holidays. _Some people_  in the league get pissy about it."

"So you are aware it's almost Thanksgiving. Are you secretly keeping a calendar?"

"Batman doesn't forget things," Bruce growled.

Clark laughed that time. "Bruce does though."

"Hm, must be a good thing The Man of Steel is around to remind him of it all."

Clark brought Bruce into a hug, giving him a quick kiss. "Yeah, because he never forgets anything. Has he ever told you that he forgot my birthday? It really was rude."

Bruce chuckled. "Honestly, you're absolutely ridiculous."

"And, according to a certain Batman, also adorable, charming, strong, sexy-"

"Hey, I don't tease you about your sappiness!"

"Excuse me?" Clark sputtered. "You teased me in front of the League every day for three weeks after I called you 'honey'  _once_! You're a terrible, terrible liar."

Bruce smiled at Clark, and it was like the world stopped for a moment. Clark hoped it never stoped feeling like this.

He cleared his throat, slightly flushed. "Listen, we need to talk about our plans for handling the press next time we go out. Diana revealed that we're on duty  Christmas Eve and Day, and the reporters went nuts. They're all desperate to know our holiday plans this year."

Bruce nodded. "I'm thinking you definitely didn't expect me to tell you to say you're spending Chanukah with Batman. After all, we've been together for years and they still haven't caught on. It's like they can't see tension when it's thicker than fishing line."

Clark snorted. "Hey, we're not that bad. No one really expected anything to come of our light tension in the early days, and they forgot about it."

"That can't be good journalism." 

"I sell better on the arm of a gorgeous woman too," Clark teases.

"That is slander!" Bruce returns. "Public defamation! I can't believe you-"

"Master Wayne, I believe Master Damian has been waiting to show you something for a few minutes now."

"Tell him I'll be right in," he said. "Listen Clark, just tell the press whatever you want. I... I do trust you. With everything."

Clark smiled, and gave Bruce a kiss.

"Maybe I should say that more often," Bruce murmured, kissing back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied about not having energy to be updating the pjo one. It's updated now, just before posting this chapter. I'm a filthy lying liar who lies


	3. Batman Cornered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter titles are hard -_-

Clark almost cried laughing when he saw the title of the article Lois shoved in his face as he left work. (Batman the Grinch) Batman, ever elusive, was cornered by a single reporter after an... incident... yesterday.

(Tim apparently borrowed something of Damian's, and it ended with a rooftop battle in the middle of the day in Gotham.)

And when the reporter zeroed in on the kids, Bruce chose to answer the question the reporter had posed to the group.

"I don't celebrate Christmas. Never have."

The photo the reporter somehow snagged had Bruce staring off into the distance, cape fluttering slightly.

Clark would bet a years worth of paychecks that Tim sold the reporter the photograph.

The article itself sucked, in Clark's opinion. A single sentence does not an article make. Just pure speculation on how Batman must be a complete maniac for not celebrating Christmas.

Clark personally didn't understand. He didn't really celebrate Christmas after leaving home, and upon converting to Judaism in college he gave up on it entirely. Lots of people didn't celebrate Christmas. Most people, in fact.

He smiled as his phone buzzed. Tim, begging for help. Damian must have found out about the article then, and thus the picture.

Lous snorted when she saw Clark wasnt reading anymore. "Honestly, the stuff people publish these days."

Clark chuckled. "Honestly, here you'd get fired for this. Why is everyone so fixated on it anyway?"

Lois shrugged. "People like to think that heroes can be human too."

After a moment of Clark's incredulous stare, she caved. "I mean obviously it doesn't work like that when they're literally not human! God Clark, you're such a moron. Just because all the heroes I know seem more than human doesn't mean I've never seen them show humanity."

Clark backed off at that, fondly remembering times when various team members had fallen asleep mid-conversation after long shift. "I suppose I can understand that."

Lois smiled. "Oh, Diane said to say she's very sorry about siccing the press on you guys. I mean, they're hounding everyone about it, but especially you, and people get weird when it comes to Judaism- or really, anything besides Christianity."

Clark nodded. "Yeah, tell me about it."

Lois glanced around, then motioned for him to leave. "You better get going. Patrols are long when every reporter in the city wants to talk to you about your holiday plans."

Clark sighed. "Thanks Lois. See you around- maybe we could do a double date again sometime."

"No more baseball games though," Lois shuddered. "Diana was going on about it for weeks."

Lois had been right about patrol. Every time he landed, there was another reporter asking him about holidays. It was getting difficult to brush them off politely now.

He thought about what Bruce had told him. Eventually, the (relatively) uneventful shift ended, and he sought out a large group of reporters who... were comparing notes on cornering him. 

Clark smiled at them as they turned as a group and started assaulting him with questions. He waited for them to quiet expectantly before he spoke.

"Much like Batman, I do not celebrate Christmas. In fact, I do not celebrate Christmas exactly as Batman does. We and the allies we consider to be our family celebrate Chanukah together."

"Do Robin and Red Robin fall within that group?" One shouted.

Clark did his best to suppress a grimace that Stephanie called his 'Disgruntled Dad Face'. "Yes, though after their little spat, they are not allowed to sit within ten feet of each other."

He answered a few more questions about Tim and Damian's fight before a unique question came up. 

"Superman, are you and Batman sleeping together?"

Superman laughed good-naturedly. "Well, I believe the term is 'dating', actually."

"How long?"

Clark thought for a moment. "Five years, steady? On and off for three before that though."

He heard a few whispered 'oh my god's before he nodded pleasantly. "If you'll excuse me, I must be getting home."

He flew off, ignoring the shouted questions behind him, eager to head home and remind Bruce that he could never tire of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys that was the scoop did you see the scoop (superbat! What a scoop!!!)


	4. Reviewing the tabloids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says my friends

Clark groaned, burying his face in Bruce's shoulder. He had pawned off this particular article on Lois, much to his regret. He didn't really want to write the article that shamelessly discusses which tabloid pictures of Batman and Superman  together were real. 

Lois patted his hand. "I know Clark, but at least this way it gets done and we don't get in trouble."

She laid out another picture and article, this one from about three years ago. "So, tell me: is this one real? And can I get details, because you two look-"

Bruce leaned in. "Oh hey, I remember that one. Clark, look at it. You can see a building on fire in the background."

Clark glanced at the photograph. His tongue was clearly in Bruce's mouth, but the quality of the camera and the burning city around them made it all seem photoshopped.

"I swear, we didn't stop saving the city to make out 600 feet above the ground," Clark said, flushing. "But there wasn't anything we could do at that point, as the civilians had been safe and the League told us it was under control and we should head home."

Lois grinned and pulled out another photo. "What about this one?"

Clark stared at it for a minute. "Bruce, do you remember this one?"

Bruce stared at it, and concluded it to be a fake. "Remind me why we need to do this by hand? I could set up a program-"

"Reporter rules," Lois interrupted, laying down a photograph of Clark tenderly kissing a clearly hurt Bruce. "Gotta make sure you won't lie to me."

Bruce frowned. "I remember that fight. Not the photo."

Clark pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course you don't. You were barely conscious at that point."

"Oh the joys of being almost entirely crushed by a car," Bruce replied.

It took another hour to catalog each phot appropriately, and Lois agreed to only put half of the 'unsure' photos in the article. Not that she didn't have plenty of real photos of them making out in costume now. 

The Planet would probably give everyone a raise after this issue came out. Everyone in Gotham and Metropolis would read it. Probably more. Clark didn't even begin to consider the online readings. He sighed and kissed Bruce lightly. "I can't believe there are so many pictures of us."

Bruce shrugged. "I can't think of anyone who shouldn't want a picture of The Man of Steel himself."

"It must be some sort of good luck charm, seeing the luckiest man in the world as he kisses the Dark Knight."

"I think you're confused- the Dark Knight clearly gets more benefits from this relationship- a stable, loving, Kryptonian boyfriend who would literally move mountains for him."

"I don't know about that," Clark said, peppering Bruce's face with small kisses. "Superman gets to date the smartest and most knowledgeable man on the planet. He knows as many languages and more fighting techniques than Superman can even dream of, and he's got some really great kids. He raised them well."

Clark wouldn't be able to say why they would talk so lovingly about each other as the suits; he didn't know himself. But it never failed to make Bruce smile, and so Clark never stopped.

Bruce shifted them so they were laying down on the couch. It was a tight fit, even with Clark on Bruce's chest. "It'll be one hell of a paper. At least now they'll stop bugging you about seeing some woman."

"Just wait until they find out Bruce Wayne is dating a farm boy turned reporter. That might even rival this whole reveal."

"Most people are suspicious that I haven't brought anyone to parties in a long time anyway," Bruce said matter-of-factly. "It shouldn't be a huge deal to reveal that I've settled down with a handsome, clumsy, perfect man like you."

Clark sighed at Bruce's neck. "We should be planning for Chanukah soon. Thanksgiving is already almost here, and you know what happens when we don't plan early enough."

Bruce shuddered. "I'll put Tim in the Batmobile before I try to have him share space with Damian again."

"I think he still has a scar on his arm from the bite," Clark mused.

"Planning starts tomorrow," Bruce yawned. "It's late, we should get to bed soon."

Before Bruce had finished, Clark had them tucked into bed. "Goodnight, Bruce. I love you."

"I love you too, Clark."


	5. Poorly Lit Rooms Are Cozy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I say the whole superbatfamily, I mean the whole deal: everyone tagged, and basically anyone you would think of as batfam or superfam is it. Like. All of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my knowledge about Chanukah comes from wiki and My Jewish Learning (it's a good site, I like it!!!). That said, I don't know as much about Chanukah as I should, and so if I messed it up then please correct me!

Clark laughed as the kids began another chorus of Sevivon. They'd been cycling through songs for the past hour, and every few minutes or so it always came back to Sevivon. 

"Sov sov sov! Chanukah hu-"

Bruce watched alongside him, chuckling as Barbara hesitantly joined in the excited singing.

Life was good. In a family this size, it was difficult to get everyone around for holidays, but it somehow worked.

In the first years, Bruce's enthusiasm for the celebrations had thrown him for a loop. Now, he simply looked forward to Bruce thoroughly enjoying himself and relaxing for the next few days. 

Clark watched the main hanukkiah, the first candle and the shammash burning pleasantly and shedding light in the room for them to see by. It was cozy, and Clark felt at home.

Eventually, the singing ground down, much to Barbara's relief. She began asking Damian the first of her questions when Bruce suggested playing dreidel. 

The scramble in the room for good seats and divvying out even portions of gelt left Barbara and the few other new additions to the family stunned, and as the game began it became clear that this would be unlike most of the Wayne family games- it was fun and relaxed (meaning that yes, a chair broke, but there was no physical fighting)- and they settled in to play.

No one noticed when Bruce and Jason got out suspiciously close together and retreated to the kitchen for snacks.

Later on, Clark was glad that he hadn't chosen to listen in, as Bruce shed happy tears and told him that Jason had forgiven him.


	6. An Auspicious Article Arises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listen alliteration was the only way to go on this one trust me

Clark hadn't had this much fun with his family in ages. Even if it was chaotic, and intense and overwhelming, it was beautiful. And Clark knew that he could live with this forever.

Except, maybe with not so much food. Alfred continued to make more food than anyone should have been able to eat. Many of them took up temporary skincare routines to compensate for the additional oil in their diets for the past seven days. Dick continued to make fun of Barbara for not believing his testimony to it, and valiantly tried to refuse sharing his products with her. She got some of it anyway, despite Dick's mustered grumblings about it.

Clark was more than prepared for whatever intense new game Bruce had decided to introduce for the last evening they had together as he made his way downstairs in sweatpants and a tshirt that was probably actually Bruce's.

And when he got to the bottom of the steps to find Bruce down on one knee in a suit that should have been in the closet, Clark's mind went absolutely still.

"I wasn't prepared for this," he blurted, eyes glued to Bruce's face.

Bruce rolled his eyes. "I haven't even asked yet, you can't just say no."

Clark swallowed numbly, offering Bruce a hand up that he ignored. "You don't have to ask. You know. Every moment of my life-"

"Stop that, Clark," Bruce said fondly. "You have to let me ask. It's what people do, even if 'people' in this case means a paranoid vigilante in black and an alien powered by the sun."

Clark finally smiled, and nodded. "Ask away, if it'll make you feel better."

"Thank you," Bruce said. "Now, let's try again.

"Clark Kent. Kal-El. We've been together for something approximating seven years, and known each other for longer. But since we came together, I haven't been able to imagine my life without you. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Clark was definitely crying, which felt uncalled for given that the past seven days had consisted of him becoming more sure that this was his family. "Yes, of course yes. The answer would always have been yes."

Long minutes were lost to the passionate kiss following the proposal, until finally Connor poked his head in and reminded them that there was a whole family here to celebrate with them.

And celebrate they did, with both Clark and Bruce astonished that they had managed to make it through it all.

Yeah, Clark knew he would live with this forever.

* * *

 

The public was notified through the usual 'Announcements' section of Bruce and Clark's wedding, which took a lot of posturing from Bruce to get done without fanfare. Not that it didn't blow up afterwards, but the initial lack of notice was good.

The publishing paper didn't care that much after all about that when Superman showed up the next week with a ring on his finger to announce his own impending marriage. He even answered a few questions about the nature of his relationship with Batman and whether or not they would reveal their civilian identitieS, which was answered with a firm no. He was even kind enough to offer his congratulations to Messrs. Wayne and Kent, which the paper made sure to mention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I didn't think I would ever need to look up: whether or not it's okay for Jewish people to propose on Chanukah (the answer was yes, it's incredibly auspicious to propose/get married on and around Chanukah- provided that there are traditional foods served with the celebration, of course).  
> (Side note, where is my hallmark romcom where the love interest is Jewish and the mc keeps screwing up all their attempts to romance the LI due to religious customs of the LI, and slowly falls into deeper and truer love with the LI as they learn about Judaism and eventually convert and they have a beautiful Jewish wedding??? Honest to god I've seen very similar Christian romcoms and I don't appreciate that there's not one that features a Jewish main character)


	7. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I never have to write this again!  
> (probably will tho... probably will...)

The wedding was beautiful and ostentatious. As many members  of the league that reasonably could appear blending in with the crowd as Clark's family and friends, Bruce's- and now officially Clark's, too- kids, genuine civilian friends.

"Mr. Wayne, how very nice to see you," Bruce purred in Clark's ear. "You look absolutely delectable tonight."

Clark smiled at his husband. "Well, you see, my husband spoils me very much. Although between you and me, I think he does it for himself."

"Perhaps," he conceded. "But it is good to indulge in one's desires now and again, especially if the reward is so high."

Clark leaned in and kissed Bruce fondly, happily. "Be careful now. We still have plenty of time to spend down here before we can leave. After all, you only marry once."

"You say that like I would hold a thousand wedding receptions for you. To have married you is perhaps the best thing I have ever accomplished."

"Are you just full of these quotes?" Clark asked, leaning in for another kiss. "Because honestly it sounds like you had four or five different sets of vows prepared for today other than the ones you read."

"Says you," Bruce retorted. "Your vows made Jason _and_ Damien cry, you don't get to comment on the nature and number of mine."

Clark kissed Bruce again, tugging him close. "I love you."

"I love you too, Clark."

* * *

On Diana Prince's secret YouTube account, another video posted titled 'Bruce Wayne is the Batman part 2'.

As typical, the wave of comments rolled in, led by confusion and laughter. Leading the pack was "six months ago you were posting that Obama was Batman, and now it's Bruce Wayne? Come one, how are you even one of the top recommended Batman theorists. I'm sick and tired of people posting memes in the Batman thread because of you"


End file.
